Friday, April 21, 2006

Optimism :)

Tomorrow marks my return to work, and the return to the life I've been eluding for a week. In my time away, I've mentally solidified a few things that I'd like to share with you.

Lesson 1 - Without pain, pleasure cannot exist.

I am very close to losing my job. I have never been fired in my entire life, nor do I ever intend to be. However, the stupid, childish, unresponsible mistake of writing down my schedule wrong has nearly cost me my job, and I have no doubts that I will be informed of this upon my return.

If I'm to be honest, I was kind of hoping I was fired in the beginning. It would've been the perfect excuse to HAVE to find a new job. But this initial feeling of hope was misguided, and not thought out.

Most of the jobs within walking distance would be just as depressing and mind numbing as the one I currently have. The jobs I'm "thinking" about are a bit better, but require transportation. What about that car? That cellular phone? These things require money, and require work. God knows my looks alone won't buy me a damn thing!

That said, I've discovered that slacking off and being negative is not going to help me achieve my goals. In fact, it's only going to allow me to rust and decay from the inside. It is important to stay strong, and stand tall in times of weakness, for then and only then will people say "WOW! Look at him!".

So, I still want to change jobs, but I'm thanking God I still have the one I have, for it is an essential stepping stone to my next level in life in the upcoming months.

Lesson 2 - When you have a chance to be a good influence, use it.

Very little of my week of vacation was spent alone. Instead I opted to spend the majority of it with some long-lost cousins of mine who are younger than I. (One is almost eighteen, the other is thirteen.)

Over the course of the week, I taught them a bit about trout fishing, and we had some good laughs. It's been years since we actually talked about our lives, and I'm amazed at how they've grown up. Unfortunately, I am displeased with the way they talk, act, and live -- and while I'm far from perfect, I tried to make my points clear, and act well around them.

In any case, if there is one thing I pride myself on it is having a wise soul beyond my age, and a good head on my shoulders. Hopefully they learned something from that.

Lesson 3 - Life changes. Embrace the new, while remembering the old.

Anyone who reads my blog entries will often see me write about the days of yore, when all was grand. The person who reads my blog regularly will have also sensed my indifference toward friendships, and relationships in the past month as well.

In my personal time away from the world, I've decided to share the reason for this indifference: I'm embracing change.

I watch everyone change, and all the while I am changing. At first it hurt, but in my mind the past two years have been sort of like what March is to us here in Pennsylvania; bleak, sun-bleached, and lifeless. However, as a Pennsylvanian, you know that things are going to start happening, and that just under the soil and browned dead grass, awaits a new world, and fresh start.

With me, the same has come for my friendships past and present. While things haven't been so good, I see new friendships and relationships budding just under the stale soil of life. I see hope, I see the future, and I see more great memories.

For everything there is a season.

I can't WAIT for the life that lies ahead of me!!!

Peace and love to all.