Saturday, May 06, 2006

Before-Bed Rant

Work didn't pass so easily tonight. Granted, it went fast -- but I'm sure I earned another gray hair tonight as the waves of customers continually pounded in front of my register from three o'clock to ten.

In recent months I find myself being unable to think clearly behind the counter, and tonight was the worst it's been in awhile. Stress, and personal problems clog my mind, and when I'm piling all that on top of the busy atmosphere of my workplace, nothing good can come of it. I become light headed, dizzy, and unfocused.

Twice tonight a couple customers were charged with the wrong gas, which makes for an absolute CLUSTERFUCK. One guy prepaid, and didn't pump it all (leaving me with almost 2 dollars to ram up my ass), meanwhile another person confused me by driving away from the pumps before paying. (Resulting in me chasing down aunt Robin thinking she forgot to pay for gas!)

I sat in the break room tonight so dishoveled that I just stared into space, trying to avoid tears. Allyson came back, and she asked what was wrong.

It's so easy for me to talk about shit on here, but when it comes to talking about the same stuff in person, I clam up sometimes. But to explain, it's just that I feel so much rejection from all angles lately.

A customer, normally a nice customer, came into work tonight and got his usual cigarettes.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Fine, until I saw you." he jested.

The transaction went through, and we joked back and forth. Then he turned to his buddy and called me a faggot.

"He's gay, don't you know that?"

The customer (evidently a friend of his) just smirked, but refrained from saying anything.

"He's a faggot. Watch yourself."

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

It puts me in a weird position...because I'm not sure if he meant it, or if he was just pretending I was gay in his own mind. Because honestly, I'm not sure if he knows.

Whatever the scenario, I was speechless, and just took the next customer to move on as quickly as possible. I was so humiliated!

Then, I have a co-worker who doesn't know I'm gay. She's nosey as hell though, and is always making gay comments, and making fun of me for having two earings. The employee left at one time, and was gone for a good while. She is out of the loop, because since then I have come out! Needless to say, her gay bashing commentary has made me uncomfortable to the point that I really don't WANT to tell her. I'm pretty sure she knows, judging by her probing questions.

It's been a few days since I indulged in nature, so I'm getting cranky again. Time to get back out there eh?

Overall, not a good day. Back to my shell! GOODNIGHT!