Friday, December 02, 2005

Before-Bed Ramblings

Hey, hey! It's snowing!

I spent the evening watching this great movie called "The Object Of My Affection" in which Jennifer Aniston (sp) falls in love with a gay man. I recommend seeing it if you haven't already. Let's just say it's joined the likes of Star Wars, Kill Bill, and Interview With A Vampire as a "favorite" movie. (But unlike those, it is a romance.)

What is most bizarre about this movie is that it was introduced to me by my own mother. My mother mind you, shows little to no interest in anything related to the gay community.

I suppose things are getting better with her, to a point. I mean, for once she sat and watched "Bird Cage" all the way through...and loves it. Before, she would rant and rave about how she can't stand "flaming" gays, and warn me to never become one.

Suddenly, she they hire a 'flamer' where she works, and she comes home every night gushing with stories from him, and how he's so funny. A change of disposition? It's almost as if she's trying to stir my interest in him.

In regard to my date with Hot Shot, she didn't know until I finally had to explain why I wasn't going out the other night. I spilled the beans that it was a date, she responded with an "oh", and that was the end of the conversation.

I guess that I'm getting greedy with my expectations. I mean, all I hoped for initially was acceptance, but now that I've tasted some of it, I want support.

She doesn't ask, and I don't tell. The same goes with dad (although discussing anything like that with him would feel awkward). My 12 year old brother is still in the dark, although I wonder if he has picked up on any of my phone conversations with Hot Shot.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I don't feel happy about where most of my family stands on my life. It is little more than a state of indifference. Do I want added attention? No. But some encouragement and support goes a long way.

Don't get me wrong, as I sit here tonight, I'm actually very happy.

I know that it seems I've accomplished little in the past year, but I have become a different person. My wants and needs are solidifying, and I'm learning how it all connects together.

It's like one big fucking puzzle, in which I decide how the pieces will fit together.

Peace, love, and hugs to all.

UPDATE: Mom just asked me why I didn't go on the date tonight. I guess I sent her some telepathic waves or something?