Thursday, December 15, 2005

Four to Eight Inches

There's been a change of plans, as there always fucking is in my pathetic life. When I talk of doing things, or meeting someone, I always end up getting fuckittywuckkity up the assittywassitty. A severe winter storm is on it's way, and the snow has begun to fall. Tiff has bald tires as it is, so for safety reasons, we've decided to stay home.

Another wasted day spent in my house.

No photographs or interesting blog entry.


This Full Moon is in your sign and you are feeling the pull of your own emotions quite strongly now. It may, however, be difficult to act on what you feel. The biggest danger you currently face is a loss of perspective. It's all too easy to blow something out of proportion. Even if you are very sure of a newly chosen path, let the energies settle for a day or two before making any changes in your overall plans.

This horoscope is kind of funny, because I've been contemplating discussing this living situation with my parents (or at least my mother, since she's the only rationaly thinking adult in this fucking household). But, it's easier said than done. The feelings caused may be feelings that will last a very long time...but as 2006 approaches, I need to quit spinning my wheels.

You all are quite familiar with the details.

It's the same bullshit everyday. If repetition is hell, then my friends, I am living in HELL.

I'm at my fucking wits end, and I feel the same build up of pressure I did before I left my aunts house. It kills me how my father could make my life so much easier, but he treats me as though I've been a bad kid.

For instance, I'm not allowed on their insurance (which would allow me to afford a car), EVEN if I pay the difference. Why? Because I may wreck. I may. It's true. I have no defense to that, other than...I never have...and have never given anyone reason to believe I am irresponsible.

In fact, of all the damn kids my age in my family...I am the MOST responsible one.


I'm giving Hot Shot a chance to prove himself to me, but the tables are being turned. I'm calling the shots, and I'm certainly not going to venture into sexual territories until we are in relationship mode.

I did however, plant a seed in his ear.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

"True." he said.

For him, it's not about being scared. It's about being "turned off" of relationships.

Now, I may be a softy when it comes to this relationship stuff, but I've talked to plenty of guys who use this excuse frequently. So, there may be a few possibilities.

  1. He is sincere, and needs time to think about the risks before jumping in.
  2. He had no intention of ever having a relationship with me.
  3. He wants to continue seeing me, without the strings.

It's funny how I dove right into this, and allowed myself to be open to a total stranger. Equally humorous is how, like everything I do...I made such a big deal out of it only to have it end up exploding in my face.

And so, as I sit. I thought I had finally had my cake, but it was (until proven otherwise) a trick cake. I have the pieces all over my face for all to see.

Humiliation is wicked.

I will give him time. We talked of hanging out again, and playing this all by ear to see how things would work out. A relationship shouldn't be built in a day anyway, right?

I suppose we'll find out. But Michael just got a hell of a lot smarter.

Peace and love to all.