Health and Well Being

Mother nature is being indecisive. One minute the wind is blowing, and rain is cutting through the crisp October air, the next the sun is shining, and the wet brown leaves are glistening in the sun. I wish she'd make up her mind before I decide to walk to work. That aside, it is safe to say that we are past the peak of the leaf-color season. Recent wind and rain has stripped most of the leaves from the trees, leaving about two thirds of our decidious trees bare. What's left are mostly oak and beech, whos leaves seem to hold on longer than the rest.

So, I work a short(er) shift tonight, subtracting two hours of chaos from my night.

I went in last night, walked in the freezing rain with little more than a green pancho, talking to my friend Wendy about the goings on before finally arriving at work, where I was struck with immediate anxiety. I'd been depressed all evening, and my body has felt pretty feverish in recent weeks, particularly when I'm drained of energy. It was obvious to me before even getting my registers counted that I was not functioning in a way that I should be, and it didn't take long for the trainer (our assistant manager) to draw this conclusion. To make a long story short...she told me to punch out. I explained that I had a lot of things on my mind, was having some family problems, right alongside being tired from my 9 hour shift that started at five o'clock in the morning that day. She said she understood, and that she would be taking me off of checkout, because she can see the stress in my eyes. I had barely been able to SPEAK for the hour and a half I was there.

So, what's going on with this? Well, to begin with there is a lot more on my mind than I've been blogging about, ranging from my pap being diagnosed with the beginning stages of alzheimers, to my battered grandmother moving out on her own for the first time, to my great grandfather who just passed away, and to my friends mother who is pissed off at me for no reason at all. Then we have the fact that my mother has a weird hard lump in her lower belly, and has no insurance. My father has something similar...but his is located elsewhere.

This brings me to my next worry...is there something in my house that is causing health problems for us? I mean...my hip, and knees have been killing me, right along side my lower back. Any time I bend over my breath is taken away, and my body feels COMPLETELY out of alignment. When I get up in the morning I feel stuffed up and stiff. When I roll my neck around I can hear what sounds like "sand gritting" in my neck.

At mom's new job, her boss gave her a free massage in which she diagnosed my mother with a number of problems, as it seems certain muscle problems are also symbolic of your real-life problems. There must be SOME truth to it, because mom says she nailed it on the head when she told her.

I may make an appointment with her, and get an hour massage. I could use it...and my calf muscles have also been aching.

I feel like a hypocondriac, but I'm not feeling good at all. What's more is that my thirteen year old brother is also having joint problems, particularly in his lower back. It struck me as odd that he too is having similar symptoms as my father, mother, and I.

Lead poisoning comes to mind. But it's hard to say what's going on. Part of me wonders if I have lymes disease...the other part wonders if it's just stress taking a toll on my twenty two year old body.

It's hard to say...butI needed to write about some of this stuff to get it off my chest. I'm honestly worried about everything these days, and I'm not sure why.

Well...I'm off to work. Take care.

Love, hugs, and happiness to all.
xxx