Gone

Seeing him lay there on the blanket seemed to evoke an uncontrollable wave of memory. His with frail little body, unable to stand on his own weight anymore, and such a sharp decline in his health, I knew it was the best thing.

As I sit here, my eyes are red and itchy, and a tear is trickling down my cheek. I feel it tickling me by my lip. Big salty tears. I know it was the best thing.

I wrapped him up in a pink towel, and we headed off to the animal hospital for a prognosis, and for what we were sure would be an eternal slumber for my Toby. I pet him in the car, and tried to keep the lump in my throat from altering the way I spoke. I failed. My voice cracked, I spat out half sentences, and my lip quivered with every passing memory.

I carried him from the car to the inside of the hospital, holding his frail little body in the towel. His stare was blank, he was blind.

"Toby?" the technician inquired.

Subconsciously the words "oh no" passed through my mind.

"This is really happening." I thought to myself.

Setting him on the table, we answered questions of his health. There was some temperature taking, and the people were absolutely amazing to us. So friendly to us and Toby, that I'm thinking of writing them a thank you card. The vet examined him over, and it wasn't long before the puzzle pieces all fit together.

It wasn't an ear infection.

Toby, as a 14 year old feline, was in a very common phase of life where the kidneys basically start to decline. It's possible for a cat to live in this phase for years until the kidneys completely fail.

According to the vet, old cats in this phase will maintain a relatively healthy life by simply drinking often, and keeping the body flushed.

On top of that, overactive thyroids caused some small issues, but nothing life threatening. In fact, this problem actually helps sustain the kidneys in many cases.

So when did it go wrong?

The day Gabby died.

"A major ripple like this in Toby's life caused him to drink less than normal for a couple days. He was in a depression, which happens." the vet informed us.

"But with Toby being 14 and a half, and being in a phase of worsening kidneys, the sudden change in daily drinking and eating was a bit more than his body could take. Those couple days of depression essentially threw his bodies routines out of whack, and the kidneys are getting worse."

"He's also blind. A major change in blood pressure has blinded him."

And with that, my little pals fate was sealed. I couldn't stand the thought.

Before actually putting him down, the vet gave us a minute or two with Toby. Despite the fact that he was obviously scared, he purred.

There was going to be an injection, the first of two, which would make him fall asleep. The second would kill him. (The reason is because they thought they MIGHT have to euthanize him directly through the heart...in which case they'd want him to be asleep.)

We paid the extra money to have him sleeping first.

The injection was painless, he was such a good boy. The vet talked to mom in the background, but it's all so fuzzy. I just remember petting Toby, telling him I'm gonna miss him, and letting him smell me as I pet him so he knew we were there with him.

Slowly I watched him fall into a sleep, of which he would never awaken.

My voice was the last that he heard. And we left the room before we could see the lethal injection.

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My life will never be the same.

It will never be the same because I buried my best buddy today. Wrapped in a towel, he is buried right beside Gabby. I imagine they are together now in heaven, waiting for us to rejoin them.

I'm hysterical now...one tear has turned into 20.

Fourteen years of playing and sleeping with me. Being there when I needed someone to cry to. I remember that day in 2nd grade when dad brought him home.

My Toby.

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Toby, I love you so much, and I miss you more than I've missed anyone or anything in my life. What I feel is beyond words. I will never, ever, ever, forget my life with you, for you grew up with me.



I was so young when you came into my life, I don't remember what life is like without you. I don't want to know.

Rest in peace my friend, I'll see you in heaven. I love you so much, and can't wait to run my fingers through your fur again.

Love, orange ear plugs, and extra kitty treats going out to you.
xoxoxoxo