Saturday, September 16, 2006

Soft-shelled Michael

I'm on an edge, and might I add that on edge is a very uncomfortable place to be. I feel like things could go either way in regard to both my management position, and the relationship I'm trying to start with Coffee Guru. My stomach is in a knot, filled with butterflies, and my heart is quickly growing attached to Coffee Guru, faster than I want. Perhaps it's my lack of experience. Perhaps it's a GOOD thing to take things slow, but my biggest concern right now that he is going to meet someone who is more accessable. Someone with a car, someone who has a good career like he does, and someone that can give him things that I may or may not be able to.


I'm a victim of my own paranoia! It'll be fine though. I want to take things slow anyways, and I think Coffee Guru is taking the safe and slow route, since he just had a big breakup a month ago. I only hope that I can penetrate that tough shell, eventually.

Since word of my taking on the supervisor position has gotten around the store, I've lost a good friend. She's turning on me, stabbing me repeatedly with sharp words. In my attempts to be a profile employee, I just throw up my hands and walk away. Nobodies really sure why she's been treating me like this, although I know PART of it was the fact that she read my opinion on myspace. Fact is, Coffee Guru and my boss have both said I need to toughen up for this management position. I'm working on that.

Last night was the first full night I've worked the kitchen in a long time, and might I add that it was a FRIDAY! It was frustrating, stressful, and I downright SUCKED! It made me realize what a challenge supervisor was going to be for me, because there are so many regular salespeople that are better than me at MTO. I need improvement!

So yeah, in regards to Coffee Guru...I don't think there is much to worry about, other than the speed of which I am attaching. There is a sense of "no rush" about him, which is good...because I don't want to rush anything. But at the same time, I worry that he's going to find someone more accessible, and all that good stuff. He tells me he won't...but things happen.

The only sure thing today is that I'm so afraid to lose that which is being offered to me. I'm afraid it will all be taken away. I'm afraid that I won't rise to my expectations, in both situations.

I'm going to try my best though. I'm going to amble through as best I can, and hope for the best. Wish me luck.

Peace, love, and hugs to all.