Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Post Memorial Day Babblings

It's one thing to post a photograph on your myspace of you and a significant other kissing. I must declare however, that it is an entirely different situation when one of you has a throbbingly red hicky arrogantly sucked on your neck as you both lay in bed (appearing) naked. People don't want to see that shit, regardless of whether or not they admit it willingly!

Sometimes I read myspaces, and it boggles my mind at the attempts people will go to to make others envious, or even jealous of something they have. Whether it be an undoubtedly hot body, or just a boyfriend that is worth showing off, some people have no limitations to what and how much they will show for the world. For now, let's cover BF's. (Boyfriends for those of you with lives.)

So okay...if I had a significant other, I would certainly be all up for posting pictures of us together on my page. BUT, some people take it to extremes that are far above and beyond what is necessary to declare your everlasting love for an individual. To be honest, these obsessive girlfriends would freak me right the hell out if I were into dating them. MoreoverI can't quite understand the mentality of these girls that have 109 pictures of them and their boyfriends slobbering over each other, and then playing comment tag with the CORNIEST most God-awful displays of affection you can imagine. When I see this kind of thing...I literally cringe, or roll my eyes. I mean really....we're happy for you...honestly. No seriously.

All in all, it boils down to one thing: making his ex's jealous.

I know girls, and I'm sorry but whoever said girls are more mature than guys certainly never happened upon one of these myspaces filled with hearts and dedications, poems, and damn-near pornographic images.

It's like...OK...we all know you're having sex. But is it necessary to show it to the world? Unfortunately, I know the answer to that question is yes because some people just can't let well enough alone. It stirs trouble, they want attention, and they certainly would like to make everyone say "awwwww you guys are so cute 2gether! <3"

Please. You don't love him THAT much. But, it certainly does feel good to know you're making her jealous.

People this pathetic are precisely the people who would post 20 bulletins in 8 minutes for alleged "myspace spyware" or be destined to misery, and no sex for the rest of their lives.

So I went to my first gay bar as a single gay male. Unlike most gay men, I defer from using the world "boi" because I find it obtrusively annoying.

Due to a slight insecurity issue, I had no lip action at the bar. I was completely awkward with the whole flirtatious persona from get go, despite the fact that in hindsight I had a few opportunities.

A man in drag rubbed his leg curiously up against mine as he awaited a drink, and I instantly froze in disgust. I mean, let's think about this...I like men, which is admittingly unusual. HOWEVER, if women's clothing, hair, makeup, and pantihose turned me on I would CERTAINLY not be in this bar to begin with. Moreover, why would I even be close to being interested in who looks like a middle-aged soccer mom.

I felt instantly welcome, as theDJ/Bartender played good music for Wendy and I. Other than some girls who would venture into the bar and dissapear in regular intervals, Wendy and I did most of the dancing that night.

It was kind of a birthday celebration I guess. I mean, we were going out for my birthday, kind of. Depends on who you talk to I guess.

So yeah, having been at Player's on Sunday night almost a year and a half ago I can hardly call my visit to this particular bar my debut to the local gay community. I will admit though I made some friends. Some were completely new, others were people I'd talked to on the phone from time to time, and online but had never actually met in person.

That said, we had fun. I definitely had fun. Wendy had the only kiss of the night, and it was to one of three completely heterosexual males who were sulking around the bar. They were very funny, and undoubtedly looking to hook up with the lingering fag hags who had accompanied their homo-friends.

It's strange how it all goes. In any case, I'm off the next TWO weekends and will likely be heading back out with [hopefully] a little more confidence. As a start for a healthier and more fit future (and a much-needed boost of confidence), I am finally joining a gym. I should be signed up by next Saturday. I'm very anxious to get started, as it's something I've talked about doing for a couple years now. Up until now, it wasn't possible though. Be it an actual destination, or just a personal goal, I'm quickly finding that my beloved Alero gets me there faster.

So...I fished for the truth yesterday.

Yesterday I asked someone to be 100% truthful with me in regards to the extra pounds I put on since High School. I inquired about how it made my appearance look. I asked them to use a word to describe my appearance (according to weight - i.e. fat, chubby). She used the word "Stocky".

The lovely AIM bot SmarterChild defines "stocky" as:


1. Solidly built; sturdy. 2. Chubby; plump.

For the first time, I knew the solidified truth of the matter. This is precisely how I see myself; a chubby cheeked, slightly overweight tall guy. But I had to be sure that my self-image and the image that others viewed of me were two different things before I set on my quest. (Btw, I commend this friend for being honest with me because it has given me total motivation!)

So it's ok everyone...I know I'm stocky, and maybe even chubby when compared to the fit world that surrounds me. I'm certainly not short...but I don't know...I'm "filled out". No flat tummy here. But let it be known that Saturday I begin a new quest; a quest to change that and get rid of obtrusive body fat once and for all. I am demanding a renewal of confidence, and the ability to wax off my chest/belly hair to reveal a toned body that has been hidden since...well...a long time.

I will be monitoring progress, and blogging about my days at the gym here. But before I do...let's look at a picture of myself that I HATE for motivational purposes:

Possibly my least favorite photo. The shirt is tight, and shows off white untoned upper arms. Moreover, the bottom rim of my shirt juts out a little bit due to a developing belly. Wendy took this of me at Reservoir Park and I instantly thought "OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOOOO!" I mean, we can assume a camera adds 10 lbs, and the unflattering angle might make things a little worse than they actually are. But I find it hard to believe that my camera could be such a liar!

And so it begins. Wish me luck!

P.S. My birthday sucked. No card from the parents, and a total of 2 birthday cards. (3 if you count the one from my State Farm agent.)