> life

Calories Burned: 300 today + 565 yesterday

So after a two day break from the gym (due to a work/gym schedule conflict over thwe weekend)I went up and buzzed around for a few hours Monday, lifting and then burning 565 calories on the cardio equipment. Today however, I didn't fare as well.

Not a morning person, I woke up in my typical "don't talk to me" mode. To add to the emotion, my father was being a prick, and my mom rather naggy. Realizing a situation gone sour, I felt obligated to hurry to the gym before I had to go to work and get in my daily workout.

Fuck.

By the time I got there and hopped on the recumbant bike, I could feel extra burn in my leg muscles, and just seemed tired. Tired as in...I wanted to curl up and sleep some more. The burn ensued, and I completed my 20 minute rolling hills program before doing some ab crunches. After the abs, I shuffled over to the elliptical and half-heartedly engaged in the weight-loss program, of which I only did about 15 minutes worth. I had no motivation, no energy, and was in the wrong frame of mind.

Giving up on that, I headed over to the recumbant bike again, and tried reading a magazine simultaneously.

Didn't work.

My water exploded when I attempted to open it (it was frozen) and I simply didn't want to be there today. So, I said fuck it. I stopped at about 300 calories burned, and figured I'd burn the remainder at work tonight doing trash and flitting around like the worker bee I am. So, I left. Dissapointed in myself. But too tired to really fight the whole idea.

----

So my grandma comes into the house, with my grandfather.

Some of you know the story of how he's turned abusive in recent years. He's going crazy, and we all know it. Some of us are still in denial, but ever since he had cancer, things are not the same with him.

For a short period last year, we had him put away for a psychiatric evaluation. They let him out eventually, and my grandma (who seems to be bent on sticking by his side despite his hatefulness, and abusive behavior) went right back to living with him.

Well today...yeah...she comes in....and there's bruises on her arm. A big black and blue lump, and a burn. He slammed her against the stove. Now, our local hospital has records of her being abused by him, and if she goes back he'll be in big trouble. (Good for'em.)

So now everyone is like...what the fuck are we going to do now? It's constant turmoil in this family anymore. No peace. And then when we take action, my grandmother returns to the situation putting MORE stress on everyone.

Her reasoning? Because she feels like she's abandoning her sick husband.

I can remember a day when there was total love in the family. You know...the days when I didn't wake up wondering if my grandma wasn't going to be found beaten to death.

> me, the clerk

Ugly welfare lady comes in demanding cigarettes without a shred of manners. Not so much as a please. I mean, it's expected of me. Afterall, how are they going to get their 400 + dollars in groceries if I'm not working to put money in their foodstamp card?

"Jack lights in a box?" I kindly ask.

"Yes." she snaps.

"How about a set of dentures, you toothless hag?" I mumble almost silently under my breath as I turn to carry out her demand.

---

Yesterday as I was working the espresso bar making frozen mochas, and a wildberry banana smoothie, when one of the girls waiting decided it would be acceptable to eat a straw.

I'm not fucking kidding. She chewed the goddamn thing up into pieces, and swallowed it.

No...no no no no no. How the hell do you get so fucking stupid?

Weirdos.

> Luigi

I come home from work last night to find that my italian greyhound Luigi opted for a nice run across the neighborhood. While I was at work, my parents had enbarked on chase that would last nearly 45 minutes in their feeble attempts to catch what is listed as the fastest canine on the planet.



Everyone say hi to Luigi.



The veterinarian says Luigi is the perfect weight. He's in great shape, and well...has more fun chasing the cats around the house in circles than the cats do [undoubtedly] trying to outrun him.

Off to work...

> life

Two days of gym skipped because of work. THAT sucks! Monday I'll be trying to make up for lost time to keep everything going smoothly. Luckily, my calorie intake was very low today, and I burned some calories at work flying around like a busy worker bee.

Work flew by in the blink of an eye, all thanks to coffee and splenda. If I were to guess, I'd say about six cups worth of European dark roast coffee, with whole milk and four packets of splenda each. I had the biggest caffeine buzz of my life as I flew around doing all sorts of tasks in record time. Ten-thirty came before I really expected it. But I might add that I am now ready to crash and burn in my bed to writhe in my sheets dreaming of Mr. Sideburns as he delicately wipes the bakery case.

Delicious.

Speaking of Mr. Sideburns, I work with him Wednesday. Not for more than a few hours, but I work with him, and that in itself is worth going to work for. Those cute littler perky ears, that boyish smile...and a handshake that made my heart palputate. That was some good stuff. Better than any caffeine rush.

Now comes the delicate task of finding out about his sexuality. Does he sway? Is he gay? Is there ANY chance? Or...have I just been foiled into falling in love with a super-friendly heterosexual (or worse...a closeted homo)who just happens to be outgoing and engaging. I hope to soon find out.

---

So yeah...beauty school. It's funny because I've always liked hair, and doing girls makeup, but honestly I've always been more boyish in my hobbies and habits. (For a gay boy anyway.) It wasn't until recently, when my cousin Mandy graduated from beauty school that I even began to think about the possibilities of becoming a stylist, or beautician of sorts. And with the way I like to talk to people, and my creative edge, beauty school may be a more affordable way of leaving my current job behind. It would also be a job that would leave plenty of time for a social life, and well...enjoying life. It might be fun.

I can feel life changing so much since I got my car. Monday I'm going to apply as a server at a local resturant, take a resume to the job I already applied for, and go to the beauty school and find out what all becoming a student there would entail.

Who knows?

> fitness, work, etc

So no gym today because I work. I feel guilty already. Weekend gym hours don't exactly leave very much time for flexibility for those of us who work. It's all good though. A break will be good. Afterall, muscles aren't made at the gym...they're made in your off times, at home.

---

There's a new hire at work, and my GOD is he ever delicious. Seriously. I was clocked out in the breakroom chewing on a bagel and sipping coffee when he walked in and introduced himself to me, shaking my hand. Very friendly, and although one of my best [gay] friends Karen claims she doesn't have sounding gaydar alarms with him, I'm getting some very confusing vibes. There's something...I don't know what. Maybe it was just how he always smiles when we talk, or maybe it's that he addresses me by my name despite not really knowing me. Somehow, I get the vibe he knows me better than I know him.

Whatever the case, his nickname from here on out will be Sideburns. I'm not really sure how to find out if he's gay or not, or just very friendly and outgoing. He seems way more outgoing with me. Again, perhaps just wishful thinking.

---

So, I'm patiently waiting for my time to have money again. Hours are up this week a bit, so I should have spending money in a little less than two weeks. I put in my application in a couple places, and tomorrow I'm going to put in for another. It's nice to have such freedom of choice. I'm greatly saddened because I've missed out on the gay scene for two weeks now, and it's probably going to be at least one or two more before I can hit up the gay club in State College.

I had so much fun there. So many cute guys. A ton of compliments coming my way. It felt good to, for once, be around my own kind. You know - rather than be stuck in some little redneck bar here in town where I'm constantly worried I'm going to get beat up or shot with a double-barrel shot gun.



I'm at this stage where guys are hitting on me, but I'm kind of passing their offers in order to play the field a bit. I want to see just what I'm capable of. It sounds superficial, and if the right person comes along...I don't know...I might give them a try. But seriously, with my new found freedom, and progressive weight loss (I can tell a difference already) I'm becoming increasingly confident and don't want to be taken when mister perfect offers to give me a place to stay.

For once in my life, the possibilities are endless.

Btw...I'm thinking of going to beauty school. How gay is that?